Welcome Back, Kotter

If my name were Kotter I would say thank you but alas my parents chose the name Matthew to dictate my future. If my Dad had a say in it I would currently be serving two life sentences with Ted Kaczynski as Marshall Montgomery! Anyways it has been quite a while since my last blog... not by choice though! Believe you me (another of the phrases I hate but have always wanted to use properly) I would much rather spend my days gnawing on beef jerky and typing my thoughts as they come out. Of course I would be a fatass with mouth cancer and carpal tunnel but sometimes the price of greatness outweighs the ass in the chair!

I have many, many thoughts to convey to my reader. First off I am greatly displeased at the current situation we are facing, not only here in Montgomery County Maryland but all across the country. It seems our elected officials, on both sides of the political aisle have made it their job, as if God himself or Darwin whichever philosophy you adhere too, has given them some divine power to know what is good for me and you. I'm going to touch on this, or should I say unapologetically rant about this in my next blog so I won't go to much into it but does anyone else feel like the government has grown out of it's britches! (Gotten too big for it's britches for those of you who didn't understand my last sentence!

Onto another topic... My tobacco update. It's been a few long, grueling months but I have managed to keep up my 1 can a day habit like a pro. You see I work outside every day and nothing says redneck like a farmer's tan and a ring forever emblazoned in your back pocket. As a landscaper by trade I must live up to my stereotype! So I have set another quit date, sometime between now and my wedding which is quickly approaching!

It takes a certified genius to end a paragraph with such a great lead in for the next. My wedding... It's just around the corner... 56 days to be exact! And as most men do I engage in the anti-marriage banter, gazing into the sky as I relive my bachelor days, feigning regret and cussing myself... In truth I'm in love and more than ready to make this commitment! After talking with many married men about their lives I can tell the ones that are truly happy. These are the guys that never have a bad thing to say about marriage and I know that one day someone will ask me about married life and I'll be just like them... Happy!

OK, enough with the mushy stuff. I am a sentimental bastard so if I don't cut myself off I might start typing eloquent soliloquies and I don't need any of the single women who read my blog flooding me with love notes or married men angrily attacking me because their wives say "Why can't you say things to me like he types!"

I want to next touch on bragging. See, the lead ins are magnificent. As a blogger it's fun to be something you typically aren't. For instance I started writing another blog, due out within the week, where I am a large Asian man with 6 digits on my left hand. What I mean is don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful!

In closing I would just like to say that I will be making a better effort to grace my reader with more inane writings and Psychological Wanderlust! I hope you'll join me!

One other thing before I go... Today I was in a class all day with about 100 other people. After each speaker the class would clap and then wait until the next speaker set up his power point presentation. Yes 8 straight hours but that is not the point. As the last speaker wrapped up people were edging towards the door anticipating the long line to get their certificate. To be congenial towards the speaker I reluctantly sat in my chair and waited for him to finish. And for the first time in my life I was the first person to clap and if you have never started a "clapping wave" with 100+ people I suggest it.

"Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy." Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary (1842-1912)