Stop rolling down hill like a snowball headed for hell!

Merle Haggard everybody! There are so many things that piss me off right now that I don't know where to begin. Does anyone remember when black folks were not allowed to drink from the same water fountains or sit at the same table or use the same door as whites? Well I would say that those reading this definitely don't but it's an undeniable fact unless you are the leader of Iran and you can say with confidence that slavery and the holocaust are bogus. Anywho, I guess the idiots finally realized that we are all people, despite our color or creed or religion and the United States has been taking great strides to combat racism and bigotry.

In come zee Germans... You have to say 'zee' instead of 'the' when saying zee Germans. Let me just tell you that Europe's socialist/communist attitudes and outlandish political correctness really piss me off. And the reason I led with a refresher on the horrors of forcing people to be separate because of their differences is because Germany, in it's infinite wisdom has built separate entrances in schools for Christians and Muslims! WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? What the hell happened to celebrate diversity? Are zee Germans promoting separate but equal? Are we going down the slippery slope here in the US? Now I understand that separating blacks and whites in the US and what is happening in Europe (trust me it will continue) are separate issues but I believe they are born of the same simple-minded, irrational, ignorant thinking and are extreme cases of bigotry and racism. What happens when one enterance is different than the other? Will parents sue because their children are being treated unfairly because of their religion? Where does this madness end? Hopefully the next generation will wisen up and this political correctness that is separating our diversity will disappear like the Republicans did in the last elections!

Nextly, a word that I am sure has been said before but if undocumented then I will take credit for it... Nextly we have the Socialized Medicine issue. Works great for Europe! In actuality it's just a way for our government to extort money from you. I say take that extra money and pay the teachers and police officers and firemen and postal workers and military personnel and etc. more money. Do we really need the governement to satisfy all of our needs? Is that what we want, a bloated, fat beauracracy living off the fruits of our labor while the middle class sinks slowly into poverty and the upper class thrive? Is this not just another way for bureaucrats to make more money on us? Are you that stupid and helpless that you need Big Brother to walk you down the street? Yea, that's what I want... I'm angry!!! And I know there are always two sides to every argument but after reading them I just can't stomach the thought of more government!

Speaking of taxes, can you imagine how much more of your paycheck won't be cashed by you if we increase taxes for the Al Gore global warming effort and paying for everyone's cheapened medical insurance? Is anyone else pissed or does no one care where this is heading?

Guess what... Some idiot decided that Maryland should allow illegal aliens in-state tuition for all of it's state schools... And our Governor signed it happily! Not military personnel, legal immigrants, citizens, Americans, students with visas, people who don't break the law, but illegal immigrants now receive in-state tuition in Maryland. That means that a person who lives in Alexandria, just across the border in Virginia (for those of you who do not know your geography, Maryland is north of Virginia), must pay 22K per year to attend Maryland or UMBC or Towson. A woman in the military must pay 22K per year to attend Salisbury even if she is statoned in Maryland but a person who has entered our country illegally, snubbing each and every immigrant that has painstakingly come into this country legally, needs only pay 7K... CAN ANYONE JUSTIFY THIS TO ME!!! PS. In the infinite wisdom of who might be the biggest idiot in Maryland, Baltimore City Councilman and giant douchebag Melvin Stukes has compared people who oppose the bill that would allow ILLEGAL immigrants to get better treatment than any person not living in Maryland with the 3/5ths compromise. This compromise between the south and the north basically said that every five slaves votes only counted as three. So Mr. Melvin Stukes seems to think that not wanting to allow ILLEGAL immigrants in-state tuition is comparable to only counting a black man as 3/5ths of a person... And that may be the two most uncomparable issues! I would take grave offense if I was a descendant of slaves in America! Hell, why not compare the holocaust to the hardships of waiting in line at the MVA (or DMV for non-Maryland residents). Yea, waiting in line sucks!

And another thing, I have suffered through the smoking ban on privately-owned restaurants and I am not even a smoker... I've sat idly by as the county extorts money from beer and wine establishments as well as bars and restaurants. But please answer me this... Will people magically become skinny if we ban trans-fats? Well Montgomery County decided that all of it's restaurants, it's privately owned restaurants who must buy alcohol through the county and cannot have people smoking in their establishment should not be allowed to use trans-fat when they cook. I noticed that New York City looked a lot skinnier... Thanks Big Brother for watching out for my weight, if you would check for me, I'm not sure if I wiped my ass cleanly... But thankfully I know that even though I live a sedentary lifestyle and eat like a horse the fact that you have forced privately owned businesses to stop cooking with trans-fat the weight will magically fall off. Thank you Oh wise government official! Hopefully we can get all food banned that has anything fatty and eventually we will all be forced to eat vegetables grown by the government... GIVE ME A BREAK PEOPLE!!!

Apparently people hate the wilderness. If they can't see it on the new show Planet Earth then they don't want it. How do I know this you ask? Well, the newspaper had an article about the housing problem in Clarksburg, Maryland and said that even though it is a rural part of Montgomery County you can still find state of the art shopping centers and brand new residential communities... And my future wife put it perfectly... "If you can overlook the trees and nature and the displaced animals you should find some suitable areas to live." Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of expansion and capitalism but are state-of-the-art shopping centers more alluring to home buyers than verdant areas and bucolic scenery? (I have waited years to use those words). I think that people look down upon people who live in rural areas, considering them less intelligent and ignorant. But who's ignorant in that situation? And I guess the housing guru's have tried to eliminate all aspects of rural life while appealing to the "community" aspect... Makes me sick!

There is so much more that pisses me off but I don't have the breath or the cartilage in my hands to finish. I welcome your comments!

Americans are so enamored of equality that they would rather be equal in slavery than unequal in freedom. - Alexis de Tocqueville - "Democracy in America" (1835)

A man who thinks of himself as belonging to a particular national group in America has not yet become an American. - Woodrow Wilson

California is going to be a Hispanic State and anyone who doesn't like it should leave. - Mario Obledo, president of the Californian Coalition of Hispanic Organisations

For my Readers

I have changed the comment line so anyone can comment instead of just members. Not that anyone will comment but this makes me look like I am popular in the blog community.

And check out Roth's new baby on his blog, Your Wasting Your Time...

Also, this is for the person who complained about not being able to make a comment without signing up!

Quien mas macho? Fernando Llamas o Ricardo Montoban?
Quien mas macho Senor Llamas... o Montoban?
Graciella!
Ooh, that eez a hard juan... Fernando Llamas?
Graciella no... Fernando Llamas es no mas macho de Ricardo Montoban!

That rifle on the wall of the laborer's cottage or working class flat is the symbol of democracy. It is our job to see that it stays there! - George Orwell, Orwell: The Authorized Biography (1940) by Michael Shelden

The Green Scam

Is anyone seriously considering this carbon credit or carbon offsets BS? It sounds great on the outside but the more I read it the more I realize it is just another way for private citizens and corporations to shirk their duties to mother earth! Picture if you will a typical family of four. This family of four uses two automobiles, flies commercial airlines, still has a "real" fireplace and uses other energy sources that emit carbon into the atmosphere. So some intellectual came up with a system or formula that can tell us how much carbon a typical family of four can safely emit each month. For arguments sake let's say that it is 100 tons of carbon each month for a family of four. Well this specific family only puts out 80 tons of carbon. Therefore there are 20 less tons of carbon going into our atmosphere. Sounds like a first step towards quelling the global warming hysteria.

However, certain people who are supposed to be the beacon of light for the underprivileged and who's new life goal is to lower the world's carbon consumption are screwing us two-fold. Specifically I am talking about the great humanitarian Al Gore. Until two days ago I was starting to really believe that Al Gore cared about me and my family and the future of Mother Earth despite his predilection for hysteria and sensationalism. Well slap me twice and call me Sally, he's a career politician, pig, lying bastard just like the rest of them in Washington. Let me explain:

Al Gore is a chairman of a company called Generation Investment Management and this company sells carbon offsets to businesses and private citizens as well. Al Gore buys his carbon offsets from this company. So he can simply put 20 times more carbon into the atmosphere that a normal family of four because he buys other peoples carbon emissions from himself. What a crooked bastard who has half of the world bamboozled by his sensational, Michael Moore-esque babble!

And I have heard the argument that he is on the "GREEN" plan in Tennessee which costs more but uses renewable resources like wind, water and solar power instead of fossil fuels! This has just not been proven to me nor did any of the Al Gore worshipping newspapers discuss "the green plan".

And one more thing, we all remember learning about Catholicism and Martin Luther, etc. Well one of the main reasons why Martin Luther left the church was because of JoHann Tetzel who was offering forgiveness for your sins if you would simply give him money (the church) money! So essentially Al Gore is paying off the global warming papacy, himself, so he can feel better about polluting our environment by 20% more than most humans!

Believe me I think it would be great if we could reduce the carbon emissions, not because I am a global warming freak but because that would lessen our dependency on foreign oil and put us one step ahead of the global economy! Wind, water, solar, these are all energy sources that current technology suggests will not have an effect on the atmosphere like fossil fuels and best of all we would not have to rely on other countries for these resources. In fact we would most likely lead the world into global consumption of these renewable resources. But Al Gore buying carbon offsets is like Tipper Gore going purchasing music from 2 Live Crew and Dee Snider, it's a mockery and hypocritical!

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate. - Eric Idle

A politician thinks of the next election - a statesman of the next generation. - James Freeman Clarke

Back to Work (a boring read)

I'm going back to work... And just as I wrote those 5 words I realized I may never come up with words interesting enough to describe the feeling of going back to work. It's like opening a toy that requires AA batteries and only finding AAA batteries in the house. I mean why shouldn't one expect to find everything required to run a specific toy or gadget neatly packaged with that toy or gadget. Why do we have to buy soup in one aisle and crackers in the other or chocolate bunnies and Cadbury cream eggs only on Easter... why God?

Anyways, I think I was talking about work. I am a landscaper, and when I say the word landscaper I still question it's true meaning. In this case the word land means the stuff gravity adheres us to. And then you have scape which to an entymologist means the stemlike basal segment of the antenna of certain insects (Oh the wit is flowing through me). Of course I am referring to it's definition as a scene or view. In retrospect I should have just deleted this whole segment and started over because the definition of scape does not fall neatly into my original intentions with this blog. However I will not deprive you of my boring thoughts despite the fact that even you may find them inane. Instead I will jump to the part where I explain that while I do not feel that 90% of what I do is scaping any land, by definition it really is (as an aside I think of scaping land as changing it's grade or removing mass quantities of earth, or adding mass quantities of earth but that matters not). For instance, under the strictest definition cutting grass would qualify as scaping land as well as would mulching, planting, debris removal, etc... even fertilizing and watering could be considered scaping the land. Nonetheless the dictionary says landscaping is the "improvement" of the appearance of a landscape so now I am really sure that most of what I do is not landscaping.

Excluding the 40 some hours of snow plowing I did this winter, I had 1 week in January, all of February and 11 days in March off. Now I did lots of paperwork preparing letters for the upcoming season and so forth but all in all I did little work compared to what I do in the spring. But, there is a reason why I am writing this and it is because the idea of going back to work has given me a "case of the Mondays". Despite the fact that I will start paying myself again, lose the 25 extra pounds I packed on this winter and experience a bit of normalcy for a change it is quite depressing. Don't get me wrong, I do not want to work... I would rather be a millionaire because I would take my future wife all over the world and then buy a large piece of land and build a house where my wife and I could be baby-making machines. But alas I'm destined to a life governed by the almighty dollar. That's OK though, it's not like everyone else doesn't have to work... It's not like I'm the only one re-describing every week what I would do with my share of the money when I win the lottery. Besides, I really like what I do and I think other than the Top 10 or so glamour jobs that everyone would like to have, even you non-conformists, like pro athlete, rock star, landscaper, video game tester, blog critic, etc, I'm right where I want to be... OK, I could use a little more money but other than that life is grand.

And thanks to me writing this blog I feel much better about getting back to the grind.

A human being must have occupation if he or she is not to become a nuisance to the world. Dorothy L. Sayers English mystery author (1893 - 1957)

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.

James M. Barrie Scottish dramatist & novelist (1860 - 1937)

The Losing Weight Scam

My proven method of losing weight! Burn more calories than you take in... That's it... There is no magic number or food or pill or diet... I'm sick and tired of hearing new studies that basically say the same thing as they have said for the past 20 fat years... Here are the suggestions that were in the fat article that I just read:

1. Exercise in short, intense bursts (interval training) for effective fat burning after exercise.
2. Increase the amount of resistance/strength/weight training you do, to build more lean muscle. Muscle is ‘metabolically active’ and burns more calories than other body tissue even when you’re not moving.
And of course, for best results:
3. Chill on the amount of food you are eating.

Whaaaaaat!!! Chill on the food, exercise, build muscle... Well thank you Doctor Fatass, and while you are at it why don't we blame society for fat people and blame hollywood for bulimic's as well... I put on 30 pounds this off-season, fat, and when I got my physical the doctor said that I am technically obese... fat! Why, because I ate a lot of junk, sat on my ass and did nothing, fat... That is how you gain weight! Of course not many of us are trying to gain weight, we are trying to lose it! Fortunately for me I will be starting up work soon, the weight will just fall off... Why, because I exercise and burn calories... I burn more calories, fat, than I ingest!

I understand that it is a pain to exercise every day and watch what you eat and it is much easier to just ban certain foods, like banning cigarettes to quit instead of taking the responsibility for yourself, or banning trans-fats from PRIVATELY OWNED RESTAURANTS to curb the obesity (Thanks New York city, bunch of communists, that's gonna really solve the problem, it's not the portions or the constant eating or the lethargic lifestyle... no it's the oil that we fry our foods in, that is what is making New Yorkers so fat, again, bunch of communists). Just like anything else in life, unless you get government handouts, you must sacrifice something and work hard to get to a goal, and losing weight is no different! Once you have mastered your own destiny and realized that sometimes you have to bail yourself out then move to the next paragraph!

Stop falling for the fad diets... Get off your lazy ass and exercise and the next time you go down to the fridge at 2am and look for a steak sandwich with extra mayo turn your fat ass around and go back to sleep, fat... Or eat an apple... And if you choose to eat that steak sandwich, fat, then quit bitching about trans fats and poly-un-monoed trans-siberian oils!!! Quit ruining the good, fatty foods for those of us who like to eat them and can because we burn off that fat or just don't care... You are responsible for your own fat ass and not mine!!! Leave my trans-fats alone and stop believing that a pill will magically take off your excessive weight while you laze away in the easy chair and eat more than most elephants, faaaaat!

Just like forest fires, only you can prevent excessive fat on your ass!

A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit. –Who Cares

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. ~Author Unknown

My Addiction

Hello you! I thought it had been quite a while since I graced the blogwaves with my beautiful and engaging writings! Here is the topic:
Yesterday, after 18 years+ of chewing God's gift to your cheek and gum, I have quit my first true love... Now I know what you are saying, he's quit numerous times before and always goes back to it... Well, you're right and I have no idea why this time will be different than others but I have got to try... "If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I must try... IIIIII've got to mister..." Anyways, if you do not have a nicotine addiction or have not tried to quit, let me tell you it's no picnic. Unless the picnic includes shaky hands, anger, delusions, anger, no nicotine and anger! For me I become very sensitive to the touch, and by sensitive I mean horny! I also have severe mood swings and my sarcasm level goes to Defcon 2. Basically I am a complete ass looking for some ass! And how many girls do you know that put out after you tell them how perfect they would be to "suck the nicotine demon" right out of you!
And the best part about the whole thing is that in our infinite wisdom my fiance' and I (yes, I'm sorry lady, I am engaged to be married) my fiance' and I (no I'm not rubbing it in) well her and I quit at the same time. No, she does not chew tobacco, although I made her do it one time and she puked all over her pants and my truck. OK, it's not like I made her do it, you know in case she reads this, she chose to do it and I inserted it, the tobacco, into her mouth! Anyway, she is a smoker and we have quit together 2 other times and it has not been that bad however she is not on the patch, meaning she gets no nicotine and I just feel extra saucy this time.
So, we quit together and I am so angry at cancer right now. I mean I can handle the gingivitis, missing teeth, gum disease, bleeding, bad breath and spitting everywhere for the rest of my life but why does it have to kill me. Why can't it just take a few teeth or require me to swish with mouthwash on a regular basis? I HATE CANCER!!!
So as day two comes to an end the nicotine in my body has just about left my system but the idea that I should be chewing tobacco when I take a shower, sit on the throne, drive, after I eat, before I eat, as I cook dinner, before bed, after coffee and while I am typing this EFFING blog will never, ever end. I have promised myself that when I turn 60 I will start chewing again... That's 28 years away... Maybe I should go buy some just in case they stop making it some day... Great idea!


Babe Ruth smoked cigars and chewed tobacco, and died of throat cancer at age 53.

He had been chewing tobacco since the age of seven.

NEJM, May 12, 1988, p. 1281, and Baseball, Ken Burns, 1994 (PBS film)

During one game of the 1986 World Series, there were a total of 24 minutes on

camera of televised images of players and coaches chewing and dipping smokeless

tobacco.

NEJM, April 9, 1987, p. 952

Just Watching the Fishes Old Chevitz!

Hello you! You know who you are... The person that always reads my posts... the one person! Thanks Mom!
But seriously, I was just surfing the net, lol, btw, urdum... and I saw that there was a story about the Bassmaster Classic. I didn't read it because I get jealous! Did you know that the announcers name at the Bassmaster Classic is Fish Fishburne? Is that a coincidence or what?
Anyways, after seeing the article I wondered how these fellas got a chance to get on the Bassmaster circuit. Is there a form you have to fill out or do you have to have more than 10 fishing rods and 17 tackle boxes? Then I started wondering about game shows! I don't know if any of you remember the old show Romper Room, where the lady had a magic mirror and it would swirl, using the most cutting edge special effects. Well I had a friend that was on the show and got to slide down the magic slide and say his name on national television.
What about Jeopardy and "The Wheel" and Deal or No Deal, etc. How does one get on these shows. I mean I am definitely no Ken Jennings but it would be nice to get on a game show and win tons of money!
But alas, tonight at 7pm I will be sitting in front of the TV, waiting for Earl and The Office, watching "The Wheel" and Jeopardy, seeing if I can be the first in the house to get the answers right.
Speaking of answers, has anyone noticed that The Wheel is really reaching these days? Last night the Bonus Round category was place and the answer was "Bingo Hall". Where do they come up with these... Bingo Hall? Is that really a place? When you walk in, is it a long corridor with famous pictures of 80-year-old women holding their winning Bingo Card up and a large check for $32.00?
Well, I'm done talking about nothing... Wish me luck in trying to get on a game show. And who knows, maybe one day Fish, I like to call him Fish like he and I have been discussing the Carolina rig versus the Texas rig for the last ten years, will be announcing that I, your esteemed blog king, have won the Bassmaster Classic!

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms. -Alan Coreck

[Television is] the triumph of machine over people.
-Fred Allen US radio comedian (1894 - 1956)