Eye Yam Drunk

I really have nothing important to say here. Well, I guess my wife and I bought a house. And this is the first blog I have written, not only in the last 4 months but also in my new house.
So far I am not interested in what I have to say... Are you?

I have been told that I use the ... too much! Is that true?

I have a few words of advice. Painting stripes in your guest bedroom is a cool idea but make sure that you check the angle of the door frame and the window. If you do not I promise that they are not parallel to the wall and your stripes will look like Roth's face after his homecoming gaffe. You will have to ask him!

Speaking of Roth I just took a pee that was yellowish-brown!

Also, the annual Roth-a-Q was a fantastic success. The boxed wine was phenomenal, the margarita was top 5 I have ever had, Shelley did not get laid, I ate enough food to feed a village in Kenya and best of all I have a rubber burn from doing a flip in a moon bounce intended for children under 100 pounds. If you have never seen five 30+ year-olds jumping in a moon bounce it is similar to watching an Asian drive stick shift for the first time. No offense, I'm going for the shock/anti-PC hook here.

I have to say that my memorial weekend was full of memories. On Friday night my wife and I painted a room and some furniture. We made a fantastic Sangria (if you want the recipe you will have to kiss my ass first). I also took some social drugs, cocaine, meth-amphetamines, LSD and a lot of Red Bull. Just kidding, my connection was on vacation. On Saturday we went to a surprise birthday party for a friend of ours. It was her 30th. We did not get her a gift, not even a card. But, I don't feel bad. For heavens sake what birthday after 21 is worth celebrating?

Then on Sunday it was the world renowned Roth-a-Q. I eluded to this earlier in my blog but it's my blog and I can reiterate all that I want. My wife looked exceptionally hot that night. Although she was my favorite part of the night a close second is swinging my niece on the swing. I can tell you that if I ever have a kid I hope he/she is as perfect as my niece. And I do not want to leave out my nephew whom I got to hold and try and make laugh (he's still in the breast-suckling, farting, pooping, crying, barely sleeping stage). He is only 4 months old, or if I was a douchebag I would say that he is about 19 weeks. I would bitch about aging kids by weeks but I'm not angry right now... Like I said I have taken multiple different varieties of drugs, i.e. Scotch, ice and nicotine.

Let me end by saying that for the second year in a row my wife and I spent a good bit of time at the vaunted Roth-a-Q chatting with the Karp's. I have been trying to come up with an insult for Mr. Karp to put in this section of my blog (because that is how men prove their toughness, they insult other men) but all I can come up with is Carp, like the fish and that is just not funny at all. Hey Jon, sorry that the Pats lost in the Super Bowl. Although the NFC East rules!

PS. Ladies please stop emailing me, I am a happily married man. Well, if I were to correctly phrase that it would say, "Lady (Mom) please stop emailing me (actually I need socks and underwear).

PSS. More happened on the three day weekend but I'm tired!